this stale, filtered existence.

breathe for me.

you know you want to.

my movements are horrendous.

grotesque.

we oppose each other.

like natural forces.

the laws of nature.

is weakness.

flacid.

pillars of strength rise from this brittle crust,

then topple from centuries of misuse.

we sing somber melodies through plaster walls.

we dissipate. become charged

particles.

and sleep under heavy air.

the default condition.

like the flame that touched my head.

we were united in the holy fire.

the ghost carved out a resting place.

the vacant walls now weep.

our passion was sold, our life consumed.

someday, we will stand as giants

and watch as we re-create ourselves.

again and again.

i remember it well.

she’s leaving me alone.

and i like it that way.

Night-time. Horizontal. Steady breathing. Dilated pupils.

If only my daytime rationalizations would carry me through.

Magnetic destruction.

Pretend.

We do not exist.

Only makes me realize

how little I know of myself.

Want to know you.

Maybe it’s the pulsating rhythm in my ear.

Or, maybe it’s my lips mouthing your words.

I will never speak like you.

Has overtaken my soul.

From this day forward I will be happy.

As decided.

I will self-medicate.

With laughter.

The muscles of my abdomen will quiver from exhaustion.

I will rest,

and sleep.

I will have become a boy again.

I need to escape to you.

Instead I escape from you.

Awareness of moments and interactions betrayed.

I am the sinner.

I should pause and speak of north-westerly air.

Less humid. Cool.

Breathing in to the stopping point.

Holding. Holding.