every movement

is born of resistance.

i am the matter

that is stripped away.

my better half

survives in the womb.

i breathe in with

displeasure.

your hands force the

exhale.

every moment

spent

in preparation

for looking back.

you don’t want to see this.

look away.

if you can forget,

then I can forget.

.remember.

i beg you.

let me forget.

.remember.

inertia strips away my skin.

.remember.

and keeps protects my soul from ascension.

.remember.

does the wind carry us

to fair places?

this stale, filtered existence.

breathe for me.

you know you want to.

my movements are horrendous.

grotesque.

we oppose each other.

like natural forces.

the laws of nature.

she’s leaving me alone.

and i like it that way.

Only makes me realize

how little I know of myself.

Has overtaken my soul.

From this day forward I will be happy.

As decided.

I will self-medicate.

With laughter.

The muscles of my abdomen will quiver from exhaustion.

I will rest,

and sleep.

Attempt to destroy them.

Lose hope.

Gain resolve.

Repeat.

Guilt.

Just a list.

Laptop.

Camera.

Tripod.

Charger(s).

Strobes.

Hot lights.

Softboxes.

Umbrellas.

Batteries.

Makeup (makeup remover).

Nail Polish (nail polish remover)

Razor.

Wig.

New shoes.

New stockings.

New shaper.

Forms (finally).

Just a list.